Ringy Dingy

8:14am
B-Trip: Home

All who know me agree that I am, if nothing else, a southpaw and a newlywed.

Standing on that lake shore in front of everyone we hold dear, I pledged my eternal love to Elle and symbolized it with a band of platinum. What hadn't occurred to me until later was the daily ritual that same ring would engage in for the rest of my days.

You see, I wipe with my left hand.

So each time yours truly Takes D, my ring has a front row seat to an event that, let's just say, I've been having some difficulty selling season tickets to.

And how many wipes does it take to 'cleanse the palate'? Five or so? (I'll have to get back to you on that.) Suffice it to say several times per D this emblem of my eternal affection must be shaking its head in resignation at the cruel hand fate has placed it upon. After all, its a ring. Rings are supposed to enjoy a glamorous existence. Yachts, castles, the odd casino fistfight....no way it bargained for this. And although you could say it's just along for the ride, this is a journey that would make even Mike Rowe wince.

Sometimes I think it's actually trying to tell me something. Maybe something like: "Grin & Bear It." After all, that's what being married is all about, right? Rolling up your sleeves and taking care of business?

No, wait. Sounds like it might be saying something else. (It speaks with a thick Armenian accent that's difficult to make out).

"Remove me when you Take D."

Oh. Hmmm...Did you guys hear something? I didn't hear anything.


5:15pm
B-Trip: Home

File this one under 'Extenda-D'.

If you couldn't tell, I'm going through a crossword renaissance. So although I just attended to the 'business at hand' in short order, I was already fully immersed in today's offering. Astonishing progress kept me from putting the puzzle down, which in turn kept me from finishing up.

It's times like these, I've noticed, when your better judgment has been entirely abandoned, that your body relies on certain evolutionarily-honed defenses to keep you from wasting your entire life. Thus, as I approached the fifteen-minute mark, my legs fell asleep.

You may have won the battle, Body, but I'm already working up my next D! I'll finish that crossword puzzle yet!