Barackin' The Suburbs

9:40am
B-Trip: Home

Wanted to read Tim Rutten's column, but the topic was Anna Nicole Smith.

She dicks me.

This commercial, however, is hereby certified with the D-Liberation Smudge of Approval.


6:00pm
B-Trip: Home

I can hear, in the other room, a replay of Barack Obama's speech from earlier today in which he threw his hat into the '08 Presidential race.

What a dick that guy sounds like. Just an insecure asshole scarcely capable of stringing a full sentence together. Lacking any and all cognitive thought, he'll no doubt squash all dissenting viewpoints regardless of their merit and speak only in pre-approved sound bytes while walking around with his chest puffed out.

Wait...I might be thinking of somebody else...

Oh, yeah. Barack Obama. Impressive speech. I'm going to go ahead and make him my current standard-bearer. If somebody wants my vote, they gotta top his high-water mark. So don't forget to pack your fiberglass pole, Mitt, should you care to do some vaulting.

Who am I kidding? I'm voting for the first candidate to incorporate Taking D into their platform. Even if, Lord help us, it's Christopher Dodd.

Top 10 Reasons I'm Intrigued by Barack:

10) His inauguration would signal an end to the Bush/Clinton/Bush progression of two-family rule that has started to destroy our country.

9) He seems determined to clean up Washington, and hasn't been there long enough to be irreparably corrupted.

8) The dude's track-record shows a propensity for consensus building. The system only works if people attempt to work together.

7) Cleanliness is, after all, next to Godliness.

6) His initials + '08 spells "BOOB" (more or less). That can only be a good thing.

5) He strikes me as genuine human being. Any other candidates come across that way?

4) He's often flashing his bright smile, but there's another face he makes that impresses me even more. It's this stern "You gotta be fucking kidding me" look. I wish I could find an example of it. (I'll come across it at some point and post it later.) Regardless, this skeptical face, while respectful, says he's not to be messed with....and I believe it.

3) He's so frequently humbled. Every time he addresses a group of people, he's humbled. It's important to me that civil servants, including the President, be humbled by my dumb ass.

2) Wants to close the widening income gap in this country. I have no joke about this. Someone needs to address this problem.

And the number #1 reason I'm intrigued...

1) Just like me, he hates getting stuck next to Lieberman on the bus.