Bush Dump

9:30am
B-Trip: Home

The Bush Administration, as the past several years have shown, likes to get sneaky with the media. My favorite instance was in June '04. "Fahrenheit 9/11" spent the weekend breaking box office records. In the days leading up to the film's release, as it became clear audiences intended to flock to this movie, you may recall that Cheney wrestled some of the headlines away by telling Senator Patrick Leahy to "Go Fuck Yourself". But the weekend wore on and even that sideshow couldn't keep the entire country from buzzing about Michael Moore's film. The Bush squad needed something big. Even bigger than the F-Word.

I'll never forget NPR's top story when my alarm went off Monday morning:

"The U.S. transfers sovereignty to the Iraqis.....TWO DAYS EARLY!!"

That's right. 'Sovereignty' was supposed to be transferred - an arbitrary step made out to be a big deal at the time - on June 30. But apparently things were going so well we decided to give the Iraqis their country back early. It enables us to "seize the initiative" over the insurgents, Tony Blair said at the time. As I sit here Taking D, it appears we may not have held on tightly enough to that initiative because insurgents clearly seized it back at some point. Forget body armor, our troops need some of those sticky Jerry Rice gloves.

Could this be the root of our current problems? Maybe the Iraqis weren't ready! We gave their country back too early!! They needed those two days to finish filing!

Anyway, it seemed obvious to me (though I've never seen it reported) that the preemptive sovereignty swap had double-upside for the Bush Administration: a) It gave the impression of progress in Iraq, while b) forcing the 24-hour news networks to spend less time digesting Fahrenheit 9/11's success. After all, they were now behind the 8-ball needing to explain this 'historic' step to the masses.

Another stratagem in the Bush Team's media manipulation mandate demands that any official 'Bad News' gets dumped on Friday night. That way, no one's around to answer questions about it for a few days and hopefully it will end up being ignored. If not, on Monday you can give the impression that you worked on the problem all weekend and now have things under control.

This technique has been obvious to anyone paying attention and has apparently even come up in testimony during the Scooter Libby trial. It's pretty savvy, but a weekly downer every Saturday morning for those of us who still bother reading the newspaper.

Today's headline: U.S. Spy Chiefs Say Outlook In Iraq is Grim.

Behold the charming first line: "Iraq is unraveling at an accelerating rate, and even if U.S. and Iraqi forces slow the spreading violence, the country's fragile government is unlikely to deliver stability to its people during the next year."

Makes the old 'surge' seem kinda pointless, doesn't it?

Anyway, six years of these Saturday morning headlines have become rather depressing. It's never anything like: "North Korea: No Threat Whatsoever" or "Bush Articulater, President Learns Fifteen New Words" or even "Condi...Ticklish!".

Instead, it's always some dickover they hope to slide past you.

The Bush News Dump....starting off your weekend with dismay, since 2001!


3:39pm
B-Trip: Home

Reading an article in the Business section about the selling of 'virtual' items on eBay. It appears eBay will be banning this practice as it relates to communal online games like World of Warcraft. Essentially people auction off codes that will give your character in the game a better shield, titanium abs, etc.

I don't know anything about the game, but obviously if you're willing to part with some cash you can save the time it would take to 'earn' the reward legitimately. I imagine you start out the game looking like Napoleon Dynamite but quickly come into contact with people who've been playing for years and now resemble some all-powerful hybrid of Godzilla and Boba Fett. If you end up having to battle this person, a map to the Sarlacc Pit might be worth fifty bucks...know what I'm sayin'? No? Oh, well...

Maybe there's something to this....has anyone tried selling 'confidence' online? What about 'sense of rhythm'? Surely 'the ability to slam dunk' would be a huge hit.

Who am I kidding? You can't get rich selling nothing. Not unless you're Halliburton. I should stick to the tried & true.

Anyone want a penile enhancer?