#2

8:35am
B-Trip: Home

Morning D. Now what, you ask, is this 'Morning D'? Though Funk and/or Wagnall may disagree, as far as I'm concerned it's the D that's ready to go moments after you wake up. You know the one. My current schedule is not complete without one. Personally, I like to grab the newspaper, feed the cats, maybe wash a few dishes, or take care of other business before settling down. Of course things are different when I'm waking up with only enough time to get ready and race out the door to work. Those D's wait until I'm at work because, as anyone knows, the only thing better than Taking D is getting paid to Take D.

At the moment, however, I'm working from home so I have to luxury of Taking D instead of sitting in rush hour traffic. This morning I'm reading about last night's Blues/Kings game, one I attended. Not only was I delighted by the Blues 3-1 victory, I also learned that USC and UCLA apparently have hockey teams. Who knew?

5:30pm
B-Trip: Home

There we go. I'd been wondering when the second D of the day might rear its misbegotten head. I suppose the salad I had for lunch yesterday contributed to a comprehensive Morning D, rendering a Followup unnecessary.

Oh, sorry....is that T.M.I.? Well, I got news for you. That's what this online journal is about. Kindly move along if you're one of those holier-than-thou candyasses who even use the phrase "T.M.I." This isn't the place for you. There will simply be too much information for your sensitive soul. And while you're at it....eat a dick straight up.

Anyway...sorry 'bout that...I got issues with the TMI crowd. Live and let D, I always say.

I'm just skimming the front page of the LA Times, settling on nothing in particular.

It goes without saying that in America today, no D is complete without the requisite wiping. Other cultures have various methods of swabbing the deck, but t-pape is the only way I roll. My newlywed status has brought some change to this ritual. For example, my wife prefers a thinner toilet paper. Before she came along, I was accustomed to toilet paper that now seems the equivalent of wiping with a fresh tube sock. That's not to say I enjoyed using the microscope lens paper she stocked her apartment with. That stuff's no match for one of my D's. It leads to smearing and the potential for 'D on hand' syndrome, one which I wish to avoid.

Elle and I were at loggerheads, each convinced that the other's preferred paper was an affront to our respective buttholes. So we split the difference. Thus, to this day, our B-Trip is stocked with Scott Extra Soft. And I have no complaints. It's thick enough for my needs, and thin enough to garner Elle's satisfaction. Experience the difference for yourself!